Dear Self

Hello there. Finally we are doing this. It's funny how it's been a struggle to jot these words on this blank page. 

Truth be told its not about time, lack of words, grammar or even the space to write, rather the fear of being honest with yourself. 

We all know thinking about it doesn't really hurt like writing. As far as I know our memory serves us well when we scribble information. 

I guess it's time to finally clear everything and swallow the pill of honesty. 

Setting boundaries 

I know you've struggled with speaking out and being honest with yourself. Like what's the worst that can can happen? 

When they say your childhood affects who you become as an adult, it's not news but the truth we don't want to hear since we think assuming is the best version of healing.

Being denied the privilege to say, act and be the little Person you are supposed to be goes all the way to who you become, who you associate with, your esteem, preferences and the worst part is when you don't know how to say NO.

How can you speak up when you are raised to always agree. There is a difference between being a 'yes person' and an 'obedient kid' . Something I couldn't tell till I was twenty one.

One request is to ask that kid that knew nothing forgiveness. For tolerating manipulations and toxicity in the name of playing the good girl role in her own story. 

Funny how lack of self esteem is assumed to be shyness. Like who really taught us English?

Lack of self esteem has its foundation. You don't wake up and you get a badge for it. It only means once upon a time your confidence was crushed, to a point you couldn't tell who you really are neither talk about what you want with some level of belief.

You wonder why someone has standards and question why they are high?. Darling it's called self confidence. When your esteem is boosted, you know what to expect, you know how to be treated, you know what to say without the fear of judgement and vise versa. It's said "everything is right, only to the right ear" . Your job is to say it and not to find the right ear. 

Glad you made the choice quite early, an advantage not everyone realizes. You choose sanity over company. It's termed as loneliness but deep down you know it's the peace that can't be explained. 

Everyone wishes to have a strong personality. What's opted is faking since hiding vulnerability is easier than being accountable to walk with yourself in all the stages of healing and self discovery.

Well, as much as I'm advocating for vulnerability, it's always mistaken to be a weakness. Like, who instilled this toxicity in us? . A little factory setting won't hurt we all deserve it. 

You have your intuition, it's defined as a gut by many. Trust it. It's there to guide you. God is a physician he knew very well you deserve it. He knew what human beings are capable of and how it will save you from making unnecessary mistakes. It's most times vague but listen to it.

Don't be apologetic 

Being sorry for being bold or speaking up should be the last vocabulary you need in your dictionary. You said it so what? 

At some point you wanted to say it. You thought about it so why be remorseful over your ability to let it out of your mind. 

Being apologetic is termed as weakness. I'll say it's boldness. This only happens when ego takes a back sit. 

Say what you want 

If you want to go big, yeah do it say it boldly. Smart people wish to hear what's new or what's there to be solved say it the right people will be drawn to it. 

Be yourself 

Better to lose a bunch of people than to sacrifice yourself. People project and talk about who they are all you have to do is hear what everyone has to offer but remember at the end of the day you go to bed with yourself. That means no one is to dictate your story. Learn to trust yourself. Everyone is drawn to what you have to offer and not what they think you can offer. It's the touch of uniqueness that sets us apart. Be glad you got that name, you are that size, you have that personality, you have the character. You are irreplaceable in your own life. There is beauty in being you, less effort in proving to people or be defined by little society status. You make the rules in your own game. 

Lastly embrace your entire being 

We have our flaws, we all refer to them as strength and weaknesses. You've got your own, change what needs to be changed, unlearn things you need to unlearn and love every bit of you. No one will do it for you. 

This will act as blue print to loving others. As oprah says fill yourself till your cup runneth over. With this in mind you will have something to share. If that means to be selfish at some point do it. We don't have a spare life. 

All the best in the journey of choosing you. ♥️