It's not lack of standards, her self esteem is low: Traumatized girl child

The word standards has always left me puzzled, since I can't tell what exactly it means. Funny how everyone talks about it and is super passionate and confident when this word is put on the table.

Don't get me wrong, I attended all my English classes and my teacher did some justice to my grammar.

What I mean is how everyone talks about standards, precisely when addressing women and girls.

Growing up my mum would sit me down talk about the most uncomfortable topics a parent would talk to her kids about.

I was raised in an era where teaching about life skills, sex and menstration was the work done by teachers. Unlike every other parent, my mum did the job on her own with zero salary though with an expectation that her daughter would turn out to be a girl with principles. 

On one of those random lessons, she talked about how she really enjoyed men's company which at first was a shocker. Though the benefit of her understanding their reasoning made me understand her preference. 

Being in a male company wasn't only about the security, but another class. Funny no notes, pen or tution fees are required here. 

It was in this class where she learnt why boys termed a certain clique of girls 'lose' and end up alternating you like a ball in a football pitch.  

We live in a society where people love things that comes easy and are 'cheap' then end up devaluing them, saying how accessible it was.  

Truth be told no woman is lose or proud to  give access to any man as it's always put out. Circumstances has driven a better percentage of women to messed up situations, like unwanted pregnancies, baby daddy issue, unhappy marriages while those strong enough chose the single parenthood. 

 

It's said a woman's character is what takes her to places and an evidence of her standards. Which at some point I'm ashamed to agree after asking myself two questions. How can a woman with low self esteem know her worth?, How can a woman who wasn't shown love or how to be treated know that she is the price and that she should raise her head up high with confidence?. 

Trauma has been the reason most women and girls can't see themselves as people who deserve the best. Always puting themselves second, down playing themselves and finding it hard to be vocal or believing in themselves. All because at some point her voice was shuttered and herself  esteem was robbed out of her and now she sees herself as someone who deserves the second sit yet she got it all: The beauty, brain, and drive.

Until when will we turn a blind eye to this narrative?. We've heard of these talks and at some point we've witnessed all these things.

If feminism is to empower women then self esteem should be the place to begin with.

It's time to stop talking about these issues rather face the big elephant in the room of how can we help our society.