Life before and after baptismal

There is a certain desire for spiritual purity one at some point wishes to attain. At this point all you want is a relationship with something that's greater than you and your power.

I have no idea what inspires everyone else, but I am aware of my case. I felt lost and somehow empty inside. I knew there was something missing. Like my life was a puzzle and there is a missing piece.

Despite coming and being raised in a christian home, I had pieces of me that were not intertwined with my creator. I understood all the christian requirements, values and did all the rituals (pray together as a family, sing and attend church services, both morning service and the afternoon. Definitely it's a Seventh day Adventist routine).

I grew up knowing what's right and wrong, short Bible stories, attended Vocational Bible studies and taking my mum and dad's teachings at heart. 

Still I went astray. It's nothing to be proud of. I stopped attending church services, for close to two years, my sister would rise up early prepare herself hoping I would join her but fail her each and every Saturday.

At the time I was dating. If I wasn't at home I was with the boy. 

My sister was really worried but she cared so much about my spiritual life. She would come home share what she got from church including the scriptures. Which I wasn't really into or rather I should say I didn't care much about them. 

Anytime I was asked to pray, read a word or preach, I would either sweet talk my sister or just find a random verse and read then ask my dad to elaborate. 

It got to a point everyone understood it was all a strategy to dodge having an  intimacy with God. I was never forced or asked to do anything though everyone was silently hoping one day I'll see the good in christ. 

It was sickening, I was just living. With that came lack of sense of direction. It's not a happy place to be. 

Having to be in control over everything, is frustrating and that was the cost of living outside God's will. Living under my own rules that didn't serve me thinking it was freedom. 

When I first talked to my friends about being baptized they were all amazed. Considering that I was the life of the party, and had the audacity and lack of shame when it came to having nasty conversations. I had deter from church and anything that came about the gospel.

At some point my parents more so my mum was worried of who I was going to be. It's recently that she had to uncover and share her worries with me.

Before baptismal, I had to intentionally cut friends off, ignore conversations that were not molding me. I was quite ready for the sacrifices I had to make in order to adjust to the person I wanted to become.

After being dived into the water,I felt apart of me is renewed. The warning I got from my parents was that I had work to do. I thought once you're baptized maneuvering in life is definitely swift.

I had no idea at some point I was going to fall back into old habits, and sometimes feeling lonely since you have to start from scratch. Making friends setting new healthy boundaries, changing the whole dating objectives. 

I had to make a choice of dating with intentions, having the goal of starting a family in mind, definitely a man that feared God. 

Despite knowing all these I didn't know I was going to have doubts about God, faith, my choices, compromise of friends to feel some sense of belonging, being ready to be put down for choosing faith over what's termed fun. 

I sometimes missed the old version but the beautiful heart, love peace and joy I got for choosing a spiritual life is nothing compared to the life of living like a control freak. 

Despite the challenges there are things I have and is still learning, reading the Bible, meditating on it, acting accordingly, actively participating in church activities, going through lesson plans engaging my father on things I don't understand, changing my prayer approach and randomly offer to be part of charity works. This was never my ideal type of living but its worth it. 

I used to pray when I needed something. Untill I understood just like any other relationship you can't be taking without giving. I had to learn how to be thankful, pray for others and pray for the growth of my relationship with God. 

What I really appreciate the most is the love and support I have had from my family. 

I believe everyone deserves someone who believes in them and prays for them and is willing to walk with them during their walk away from sin.

I hope this read inspires you to consider faith and a relationship with God or the power that's greater that you that keeps you grounded.

All the best in your walk to a spiritual life.